By Robert J. Sternberg
During this groundbreaking paintings, Robert Sternberg opens the booklet of affection and exhibits you ways to find your personal story--and find out how to learn your relationships in a complete new light.
What attracts us so strongly to a few humans and repels us from others? What makes a few relationships paintings so easily and others burst into flames? Sternberg supplies us new solutions to those questions through exhibiting that the type of courting we create relies on the type of love tales we supply within us.
Drawing on large learn and interesting examples of genuine undefined, Sternberg identifies 26 forms of love story--including the delusion tale, the enterprise tale, the collector tale, the horror tale, and lots of others--each with its unique benefits and pitfalls, and plenty of of that are clashingly incompatible.
These are the principally subconscious preconceptions that advisor our romantic offerings, and it's only via turning into conscious of the type of tale we've approximately love that we achieve the liberty to create extra gratifying and lasting relationships. so long as we stay oblivious to the position our tales play, we're more likely to repeat an identical blunders time and again. however the enlivening excellent news this publication brings us is that even though our tales force us, we will be able to revise them and discover ways to opt for companions whose tales are extra appropriate with our own.
Quizzes in every one bankruptcy assist you to work out which tales you establish with so much strongly and which practice on your associate. Are you a tourist, a gardener, a instructor, or whatever else completely? Love is a Story exhibits you ways to determine.
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Additional resources for Love Is a Story: A New Theory of Relationships
Sample text
5 The ideals control not only how we form our actual story, but also how happy we are with it. Furthermore, we feel emotion when we sense a match between an actual or potential story and our ideal one. The cognition of a match thus generates positive emotions, like happiness and contentment. 6 Some- W H E R E DO STORIES COME FROM times we try to force a match. When we meet someone, we determine how close the person is to our ideal. If he or she doesn't match at all, then we can simply dismiss the person.
But when we marry the rational choice—the one that societal or familial dictates suggest as the right choice—we often end up unhappy when we discover W H E R E DO S T O R I E S COME FROM that not only do we not love the person, but that we can never grow to love that person. Whether marriage should be about love is one question. But if it is about love, the question of love stories becomes central. If the stories are incompatible, love will be difficult, if not impossible. Sometimes we have the opposite problem—we know more than one person with whom our stories are compatible in some way.
Diagnosing the Teacher-Student Story TEACHER 1 I find myself in the role of a teacher in my close relationships. 2 I tend to find myself teaching my partners in close relationships a lot about life.