By Alan D. Wolfelt PhD
Confronting the “little griefs” that could ensue during a life-time, this instruction manual seeks to alleviate the inevitable burden of loss. Taking the “wilderness event” into account—being disconnected from oneself and the skin world—this consultant offers 12 very important questions, the solutions to which inspire the alternative among determining to stay and letting unhappiness take keep watch over. Delving into the probabilities at the back of integrating sorrow into one’s lifestyles, this examine is the line map to exploring and honoring the transformational nature of grief.
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Additional resources for Eight Critical Questions for Mourners: And the Answers That Will Help You Heal
Example text
Yet the emotions you sometimes most want to avoid are the ones you most need to attend to. Being consciously aware of your need to mourn does not mean you are “feeling sorry for yourself” or wallowing in your pain. However, authentic mourning is allowing yourself to accept and to experience the natural rhythms that accompany the journey. Authentic mourning is anchored in making the conscious choice to allow yourself to mourn, to recognize that darkness sometimes precedes light, and to seek healing, repair, and transformation of your very being.
For example, you may have been extremely close, or “best 57 friends,” as well as husband or wife. Perhaps you loved the person who died, but you had frequent disagreements or divisive conflicts. Or maybe you were separated by physical distance, so you weren’t as close emotionally as you would have liked. The nature of the attachment in the relationship during life will in large part determine the nature of your grief after the death. It only makes sense that the closer you felt to the person who died, the more torn apart you will feel after the death.
23 Herein lies the paradox—a wide range of instinctive responses occur, but you get to decide as your grief unfolds into mourning if you will truly experience these responses or instead inhibit, suppress, or deny them. Actually, befriending such emotions is what makes it possible to experience, eventually, a sense of renewed meaning and purpose in your life. Yet the emotions you sometimes most want to avoid are the ones you most need to attend to. Being consciously aware of your need to mourn does not mean you are “feeling sorry for yourself” or wallowing in your pain.